Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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