Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
