Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
