We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
