Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
