Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
