I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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