the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
