It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
