I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
