I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
