So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I looked at my own cervix.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
