1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
