I think i peed on brittanys purse
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
