yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
