Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
