If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
