kristin has been a bad kristin
no, he came in my armpit
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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