Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
