i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
