I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
