You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
