I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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