i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just google imaged poop.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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