We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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