Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
