Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
