i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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