I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
