I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
