It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
