Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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