Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
