So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
