No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
