I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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