we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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