Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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