why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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