your thong is hanging out like whoa
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
