Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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