the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
