If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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