can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
