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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?

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• (631): View more from New York

  we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis

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• (716): View more from New York

  He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  That shot was terrible

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship

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