I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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