i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
