when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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