omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
