and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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