dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
